Jim Gaffigan said, "You know what it's like having a fourth kid? Imagine you're drowning, then someone hands you a baby."Funny. Yet, this is a bit how I have felt with baby number five added into the mix. I have actually said to Greg on a few occasions since I've had Violet that I feel like I'm barely keeping my head above water...I'm in that sleep deprived, non-stop nursing, no longer can remember what day it is, when is the last time I showered, daze. I've been here before, so I know it's only temporary. I know one day life will find it's way back.
My sister started a weight loss blog: rieataloss.blogspot.com. The blog is fabulously real and honest and has gained a lot of well deserved support for Sariah and her journey. It is also beautifully, beautifully written. A few days ago, I was complimenting her on her eloquent writing, and she responded with praise for my writing as well. I laughed. I told her I can't form a sentence anymore, let alone write. In the last couple months I have literally forgotten my address, more than once. This week's doctor appointment check-in was quite embarrassing, as the receptionist stared at me for what felt like an eternity, as I racked my brain for the address we have lived at for over two years. I finally just threw out some numbers that sounded familiar, hoping they were indeed an accurate portrayal of where we reside.
My blog, which I have long valued as not only a place for memory keeping but also an avenue for creative expression, has lately been reserved only for milestone check-ins and recaps of family events. I am just running behind on life, and so my blog shows that same hurry-and-get-done-just-what-needs-to-get-done approach to life.
My sister kindly comforted my tired mommy brain and replied that one day I'll write again. And I know that is true. As I've said, I've been here before. I know one day, when I've had a full nights sleep, when I've had moments to myself, to shower, to get dressed in more than yoga pants, to breath, to think, to meditate, to be inspired, I'll feel like myself again. One day when I carry a purse instead of a diaper bag, when I have time to prepare a salad instead of leftover macaroni and cheese, when the day's big accomplishment is making it to gym class instead of the grocery pickup at Walmart, when I am able to make insightful comments at book club instead of admitting that once more I did not make it past the first chapter, when I awake in the middle of the night prompted to record lines of aspiring poetry instead of to the whales of a hungry babe, one day, I'll write again.
Until then I'll snuggle my baby close and take in every moment I can of her soft spoken coos and sweet little gummy smiles. I'll soak up this all-consuming newborn phase happily, sleep deprived and all, because I've been here before. And I know although at the moment it seems it'll never end, when I look back on it, it'll go by all too quickly.
For now, enjoy pictures of our delicious, squishy cheeked babe, and details of our family outings on this blog. And if you're looking for more moving, heartening and inspirational words, thanks to my sister, look here, and here, and here.