At Time Out for Women Emily Freeman spoke about lessons that we learn in the middle moments of our lives. She said when we reach the of a story we know why things happened, but it is in the middle of the story that we learn.
Since I had the twins, I have not gone a day without feeling overwhelmed. Yes, life is getting easier as the babies grow and definitely easier than when Greg was on his two week business trip. I really felt like I was in suvival mode during that first month postpartum. Now I have pretty much returned to life as I used to know it. I cook, workout at the gym, run errands and attempt to keep up on the housework. Even though it has gotten easier to care for the twins, the abundance of help that I was receiving from friends and family has dwindled quite a bit. Don't get me wrong, friends and family still step up to serve when needed, but for the most part, I make it through the day with my four young children on my own. And more often than not, I feel like there isn't enough of me to go around, and thereby I find myself spending day after day exhausted, overwhelmed and feeling like I am coming up short.
Take for example, a couple Sundays ago. Greg was speaking in sacrament meeting and so he was sitting on the stand. Both babies were fussy during this time. I ended up running back and forth between the chapel and the foyer with one or two babies in tow several times. Throughout the meeting, I had four people having to help me with my four children. We needed to feed the babies during Sunday School and Brody had a cold and wasn't able to go to nursery. We decided to just stay in the foyer with the three kids since neither one of us would be able to attend to Brody in class and he would likely disturb everyone else. I took the babies to Relief Society and Greg took Brody to Elders Quorum. I had to change Avonlea's diaper during class and just as I walked back into the room, she threw up. She threw up a lot, and it went everywhere: all over her, all over me, on the carpet and to my embarrasement as I found out later, in another sister's diaper bag. After I cleaned her and myself up as much as I could in the bathroom, I returned to class to clean the floor and collect Archer.
As I was packing up to go home to change and shower, a dear sister in our ward leaned forward, tapped me on the shoulder and said in all sincerity, "You poor thing. Your life is so hard." This sweet women, who was so compassionate toward me, who was so aware of the hardships of my day, had recently discoverd she is the end stages of cancer and only has a few months to live. Needless to say, I was left speechless by her comment. I could only think how hard HER life is!
Yes, I have trials, and at times they seem very hard, but I would never want to trade my trials with with another person. My trials are mine because I can handle them. I can handle spending the day running from toddler, to baby and back again. I can handle Lite Brites on the floor, throw up in my hair and loads of laundry that never get folded. I know the pace of my life will eventually ease up a bit; I am in a "middle moment." And this certainly is a precious lesson to learn during this middle moment.