Today marks two years that have gone by since my mother passed away.
Last year on the anniversary of her death I wanted to celebrate her life and focus on the wonderful memories I have of her instead of being sad. I threw a big huge Sunday dinner, Valerie Nichols style, and invited many of her friends to come and commemorate.
This year I let myself be sad. Two years is too long to go without having my mom beside me. Last night and today I let the grief overcome me. I cried hard, in fact I outright sobbed. I felt the hurt. At times, I even allowed myself to feel anger. And then after letting myself be consumed by the despair of it all, I was left feeling empty and broken. These are not feelings I usually embrace. I try to be a happy person most of the time. I like being a happy person, but today I needed to let myself hurt for the mother that I lost, the Nana that my children will never know, the laughter, the kindness, the advice and guidance, the comfort that for the rest of my life on this earth, I will always be missing.